We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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