Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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