just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
