The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
