i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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