Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
