I have demons in me.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
