did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
