Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
