If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I smell stomach acid.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
