I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
