let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
