She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
