Only a mothe r could love this liver
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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