You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
