Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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