Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
