Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
