Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
