Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
