I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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