people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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