So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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