my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
