life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
