I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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