D3 body, D1 cock
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
