There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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