you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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