yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
