chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
