I just pynch a tree in the face
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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