our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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