Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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