My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
