My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
