he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
