I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
