she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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