I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
