Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
