I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
