Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
