Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just want to make out with him forever
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
