just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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