I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
