Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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