Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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