I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
