at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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